I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
