if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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