Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was born a porn star she said
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
