I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
