some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
