we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize