I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
