I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
