She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
