Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
