There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
