wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize