someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
