I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
