Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
