I hate all girls vehemently.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
