Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize