will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
