You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize