I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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