but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
