i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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