i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
