I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
