the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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