Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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