Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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