Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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