Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize