yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
