allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
