It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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