hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
