we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize