that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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