I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
