I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
