Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
