theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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