That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
