pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
