dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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