she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
