Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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