btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
