My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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