he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
