Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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