I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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