saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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