Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
