Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
