i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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