I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
