I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
