you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
