She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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