At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
