He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
