i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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