You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
