We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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