Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
