In America we eat man semen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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