worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
