i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
