just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
