He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
