Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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